30 Things I Learned from My IDF Service

by ~~Gossip~~ Soulja Girl

Started from Michve Alon, now we here!!! The sweet, sweet release date! My army journey was pretty standard for a hopeful post-college American girl: Roughing it at Michve Alon, diving into the international relations unit in the “Kishrei Chutz” course, and proceeding to my job as “International Blonde Bond Girl BAMF.” I shit you not. That was my official title. Along the way, I learned a couple of things. Now that I have cut my “choger” (army ID) and my army journey has come to a close, it’s time to reflect and share all the wise lessons one can only learn through the IDF.

The first rule of life is sometimes it doesn’t make sense at all. Similarly, the first rule of the Israeli army is “En Hegayon Batzava” – there’s no logic in the army. Nothing prepares you more for the harsh reality of shit not making any sense than the army. You’ll be ready for the worst life has to offer once the army hits ya.
Waking up at 5 AM everyday for essential physical/mental health activity (i.e. yoga/workout/morning mantras/long commute) before my nine-to-five job in the future is possible. If I woke up that early in basic training, I could do it now. The key word here is “could.” Will I do it? Probably not, tbh.
Body positivity. Love yourself. I already knew I was cute before drafting, but having to change in front of the twenty other girls I shared a room with on the daily at Michve Alon solidified my body confidence for life #FreeTheNipple
Time management. “Shatash” – the one hour a day we had for free time in training – taught me this one best. I generally spend an entire hour talking to my mom on the phone per day, so this was quite the struggle for me. Once I got used to “shatash”, I was able to make my top bunk all nice and cozy while my bunk-mate made her bottom bunk simultaneously, call my parents for a super quick recap of my day and theirs, engage in mini dance parties with other girls, and text all my ~~fuckboys~~ friends back because if you’re caught on your phone after “shatash” – God help you. I had to take my daily showers at the crack of dawn because I didn’t have the drive to fight all the other girls in the long-ass line for the showers during “shatash.” This also granted me the time to take nice, loooong, hot showers without having to worry about the next girls in line. A luxury.
Never give up on yourself. When we did the first “bar-or” (physical training test) at the beginning of basic training, I was hella outta shape and felt like dying by the end of the 3 KM run that should have been a piece of cake for someone my age. I made it to the finish line in time, but barely. Over the rest of course, I ran everyday and built up my stamina. Fast forward to the final “bar-or”, and I’m breezing through the 3 KM like I’m the IDF’s Cover Girl. I beat my previous time with flying colors. Keep on pushing yourself to achieve your absolute best!
Mental and emotional check-ins are a must. When you’re going through so many sudden drastic changes at a time, it’s hard to slow down. It’s important to take a breather. Being the anxious wreck that I am, I made it a priority to journal weekly in basic training so I could remember, reflect, and refresh for the week to come. No time for these hippie-dippie mental check-ins? Make it happen during a precious “shatash.”
Humor is very therapeutic when the going gets tough. I founded this blog to document all the crazy, hilarious experiences that bring us together as female lone soldiers. Whether it be the good, the bad, and the ugly, its goal was to make us laugh through the tough times. And I can confidently say that I definitely reached this goal – at the very least, I made myself laugh. Other humorous social media pages that have helped me through my service include IDF Super Secret Sarcastic Soldier Satire, IDF Confessions, and Sisterhood of the IDF, the blog’s Instagram equivalent (shameless self-promo, I know). It’s a meme-ingful time to be in the army.
Crying is therapeutic too. The amount of times I cried in the bathroom on base is countless. Crying yourself to sleep is the best way to fall asleep, amiright? In the IDF, we’re all tough cookies, but there are cracks in every cookie. It’s okay to cry about those cracks. Boys – don’t pretend you’re not a part of this big army crying session! There’s nothing sexier than a guy in touch with his emotions. You let it out, honey.
Bring toilet paper with you everywhere you go. This was especially relevant when I had to go around begging other girls for toilet paper during “shetach.” While there may be no “shetach” in civilian life, sometimes no one refills the toilet paper stock at the office, or the bathrooms on summer camping trips. Or you decide to pee in a discreet city corner on a drunk night out. Depends on where exactly your life is headed post-army. Just bring toilet paper.
Karaoke is always the answer. I was a fan of karaoke before the army, but it became my saving grace during “shmira” (guard duty). When you guard, you’re not allowed to be on your phone, listen to music, read a book, watch TV, sleep, and all that other good stuff. The boredom was insufferable. Naturally, I turned to karaoke. You can bet I went through the entire “Grease” soundtrack, plus the entire “High School Musical” Franchise.”Shmira” went from painfully boring to bearable. It was like karaoke night with my friends, except my friends were nowhere to be found. It was just me. So on my nights off, I actually did go with my roomies to the local karaoke bar, which made me forget all my army woes. Like I said, karaoke is ALWAYS the answer.
Slumber parties with your friends should be included in adulting. Sharing a room with so many other girls in basic training and the international relations course was hard, but I loved the late nights together. In the course, we got into deep discussions about our latest hookups, shared our “shekem” (army canteen) snacks, talked smack about mutually agreed upon assholes in our course, and raged to EDM during morning clean-up. It made me so nostalgic to the middle school days. I remember thinking “I wish I could do this for the rest of my life.” And I totally can. From this day forward, I’m making slumber parties a thing for the rest of my adult life. You’re all invited. Except for the assholes from the course. We still hate you.
Female friendships are everything. I’m not talking superficial friendships where you just go out together and party. I’m talking sharing your deepest, darkest secrets and vulnerabilities, being there for each other in the worst of times, and laughing your asses off over the stupidest shit because you both have the same weird sense of humor. The struggz of the army make you closer with people faster. I’m sure I’ve found a couple of friends for life here, and that’s one thing I can thank the army for.
Don’t keep up with the Kardashians – keep up with the news. Being uninformed isn’t cute. I learned a whole lotta shit about the world in the army’s international relations course. To give you context into where my head was at, I thought Yugoslavia was still a country before the course. I know right? So embarrassing! I don’t even… whatever. The course helped me make the transition from dumb blonde to slightly-more-in-touch-with-the world blonde.
Discounts are important. As a lone soldier, there were so many crazy discounts I discovered, and these discounts helped me save money in the army while still having a jolly good time. If I go back to being a student (or any other life position that grants me discounts), you bet I’m gonna keep using those discounts. Because all these soldier discounts totally made my service.
Fried eggplant is an amazing staple at dinner parties. The “cheder ochel” (dining hall) introduced me to fried eggplant, as it was featured in pretty much every single meal. And every single time, I was so down. It’s kinda scary how I never got sick of it. And I won’t be sick of it when I force it upon guests at my place in the future.
Shnitzel is another simple party favorite (when done right). On my base, there was a very clear distinction between good shnitzel (“Shnitzel Alef”) and bad shnitzel (“Shnitzel Bet). “Shnitzel Alef” is so crisp and delicious, cooked to perfection. On the other hand, “Shnitzel Bet” is like Mystery Meatloaf – no one really knows what meat is in it, and we’d all rather not. Tuesday on base was official “Shnitzel Alef” day, and on this day, the dining hall would be packed to maximum capacity. I, too, must learn the art of “Shnitzel Alef” so that my dinner parties are the most popular in all the land.
Higher-ups be crazy, and you just gotta learn how to deal. I’m an easygoing and gregarious person who gets along with mostly everyone, but my commander wasn’t exactly interested in getting along. She was interested in making my service a living hell for no particular reason. One time she told me that she didn’t like me because I was “too happy.” And not in a jokey way. She was dead serious. Yep. At first, I was really sensitive and upset about it and didn’t understand my shitty luck. But then I remembered #1 on this list – life isn’t fair. It makes no sense at all. Sometimes you gotta just roll with the punches, and fight back. If I have a boss just as crazy in the real world, I’ll be adequately prepared.
If you’re not happy with your job, then quit (given that you have enough funds to support yourself while looking for another one, or have a back-up job ready to go). Do what you love, love what you do. My placement in the army wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, but that’s just how the army is. You get what you get and you don’t get upset. There is no quitting in the army. But in civilian life, you do have a choice. It made me realize that I don’t wanna work at a place that’s just “meh.” I wanna do something real with my time. We spend a huge chunk of our lives at work, and if my nine-to-five absolutely sucks, I’m out. Because I have things to do, and passions to pursue.
Israelis are family. They are such a kind, welcoming people. There were so many instances here that brought a smile to my face. I met a mom of three at the bus stop near base who found out I was a lone soldier and immediately gave me her number if I ever needed anything, and if I needed another adoptive family, even though I mentioned that I already had one (shout-out to my incredible Jeru fam). It astounds me that so many people are willing to open up their homes and hearts to lone soldiers. It’s not just families either. A young ticket booth attendant at “Habima” (Tel Aviv’s Broadway) also gave me his number for if I ever needed a Shabbat meal. At Dizengoff Center, all the Friday food stands give lone soldiers free food for Shabbat. The Moroccan food stand owner went above and beyond every time I visited his food stand, piling on way more food than I could handle, throwing in a Coke and complimentary fried “kibbeh” into the mix. And of course, he always sent me off with a big smile and a heartfelt “Shabbat Shalom!” I really missed my New York family this year, but the amazing people here made it so much easier.
Resources for new immigrants in Israel are endless, both in the army, and post-army. When I decided to draft alone, without Garin Tzabar or Mahal, I thought I was going to be completely on my own. I quickly found out how wrong I was. The Lone Soldier Center and the Nefesh B’ Nefesh Lone Soldiers Progam host countless amounts of social events, including Shabbat dinners, movie nights, spa nights, workshops, Jewish/American holiday events, and army-related lectures and seminars. They also offer counseling sessions for pre-draftees and post-army plans. “Knafyim” (Wings) is another program that was super helpful when I was making the transition from soldier to civilian at the end of my service. I was assigned to a personal adviser, who offered guidance in higher education, the job search, and financial consultation. Wings even offers full-day aptitude exams to help you figure out what your skill set is suitable for when it comes to careers. You’re never alone in Israel.
Israel may be small AF, but there’s so much to explore. I lived here back in middle school, when my parents insisted on going on family trips to virtually everywhere in Israel, so I thought I had seen it all. When I drafted into the army, I was placed into “Course Moledet” (Heritage Course), which is for immigrants with a high level of Hebrew, but still have to be “culturally integrated” into Israeli culture. To culturally immerse the participants, we traveled a whole lot. Within six weeks, we toured Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, the Negev, and all the history within them. I had been to all these places before, but the army exposed me to meaningful places and stories I’d never heard of before. The army is an opportunity to see Israel in a different light. One week, we even got to go to a free show at “Habima”, exclusively for soldiers. Outside of the army, my friends and I rented a car and took a spontaneous camping road trip to the “Kineret.” Next stop: Yam Le Yam!
Age is but a number. Not in a creepy “I want to date minors” kind of way. I’m referring to age in the army. Because many internationals join my unit after college, the soldiers on my base ranged from 18-28. When I drafted at 21, I thought I was gonna be a total grandma. While I was the oldest non-officer in my specific department, there were people of all ages on base. Some of my close friends on base were closer to my little brother’s age than me, and yet we were total homies in the army. You’re never too old to go for what you want. In your twenties, the sky is the limit.
“Mean Girls” is relevant to pretty much every aspect of life – especially in the army. For some odd reason, a friend and I went back to our basic roots and started obsessively quoting “Mean Girls” to relate to every aspect of the course. For example, when the same commander yelled at her time and again, she would say something like “Why are you so obsessed with me?” and I would reply with “Maybe she has a big, lesbian crush on you!” Or when we found someone in the course attractive, we would be like “we should tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back.” It got to the point where everybody in the course came to know us as the psycho dynamic duo with an unhealthy “Mean Girls” obsession. We ended up being placed on the same base, so this obsession continued throughout our whole service. When our rank moved up from Private to Corporal, we posted a pic together with the following caption: “We’re sorry people are so jealous of us, but we can’t help it that we’re corporal.” We also can’t help how damn clever we are. And just in case you missed it, there are “Mean Girls” references sprinkled throughout this entire post.
Public transit is for peasants. Time to invest in a car. I probably spent more of my service waiting for buses in the middle of Bumblefuck, Israel than at my job. The amount of anger that bubbled up inside me as precious minutes passed me by under the hot Middle Eastern sun in my suffocating uniform was scary and unnatural. And having to endure packed buses as a short person was hell. Never again will I allow my head to be shoved under a bag lady’s armpit again. Shitty public transit isn’t just a thing in Israel. It’s an epidemic EVERYWHERE. The army just highlighted the issue for me. The second I can afford a car (and gas money), I vow to learn how to parallel park properly once and for all so that I have to take public transit as little as possible in my adult life.
You can flirt anywhere. You can FIND LOVE anywhere. My first week in the army, I looked like garbage. I was drowning in my huge uniform that needed to be tailored ASAP. I had scary bags under my eyes due to constant sleep deprivation. My hair was all over the place because I didn’t have the energy to brush it on some mornings. I had an overall shitty attitude. Even with this shitty attitude, I couldn’t help hitting on the guys in basic training. It’s just my way. Lo and behold, they flirted right back. Garbage looks, shitty attitude, and all – they still flirted right back. Because crappy conditions bring people together, in more ways than one. Did the flirting lead anywhere, you ask? Army girls don’t kiss and tell. JK, I’m still single as ever, but I have friends that are in relationships through the army. I’m happy for them, but also ew.
“Madim” (army uniforms) are super cute. Find an excuse to wear them post-army. Yes, I spent my entire service bitching about how uncomfortable “Madei Alef” (official dress uniform off-base) fabric was. Or how I just wanted to be free to wear real clothes that reflected my own personal style. But when I look back to right before I drafted, I remember how excited I was to wear the uniform. A couple of months in, I was secretly still proud to rep the Israeli army every time I wore them. Now that I’m no longer in the army, I guess I have to dress up as Kim Possible or Cadet Kelly on Purim so I could relive my glory days. Because I rocked “madim” like no other.
Find your “tzevet” (team) for life, and stick with ’em. The first week at Michve Alon, we were split into four “tzevets” who we were going to spend the rest of basic training with. It was random selection, and of course, all of us were different from one another. There were age, language, and personality barriers between us. Yet, we found a way to make our differences work and come together as a cohesive crew. On our course’s “Masa”, I wasn’t feeling well and fell behind, visibly struggling. Did my “tzevet” leave me behind? Of fucking course not! Two of my crew members grabbed my arm and pulled me forward with them, encouraging me the whole way through till I made it to the end with them. Likewise, you need your true-blue “tzevet” for when times are tough in the real world.
Own your weekends. In the army, weekends are, oh, so fleeting. At the beginning of my service, I would leave base on Friday morning at 6 AM, thinking to myself “oh, happy days! The possibilities are endless!” Then I would blink my eyes, and it would suddenly be Sunday – time to go back to the “shigra” (routine) all over again. Probably the worst part about living in Israel? There’s work on Sundays. It should be outlawed. It’s like, the one political issue I care about. My political campaign slogan would be “Make Sundays Great Again.” However, till I make the happen, we gotta work with what we got. As someone who is “shomer Shabbat”, this was hella tough because Friday was spent prepping for Shabbat, and Saturday was spent sitting on my ass and eating. And as a recent college grad, I was a total grandma who no longer “all about raging” – more like “all about resting.” Lucky for me, my handy-dandy roomie who has lived here her whole life taught me the Israeli way. She passed on this sage advice: “the army is the one job you’re gonna have where you can get absolutely trashed the night before, come in hungover the next day, and can’t get fired for it. You gotta live life to the fullest, because it’s only gonna get harder from here.” She taught me that Fridays were for Shabbat prep+ TV show sessions+calling everyone back home+crying in the shower, Saturdays were for considering going to “shul”, then laughing at the idea, and proceeding to eat+nap+read+relax instead. Now that you’ve checked off your weekend to-do list, it’s time to RAGE TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN on Saturday nights. Pink once sang “get this party started on a Saturday night” not because we could sleep in on Sundays. Only the weak sleep in. Israelis rage on Saturday nights to test our limits, to see how far we could go come Sunday morning when push comes to shove us out of bed in the morning. In the short period of time Israeli weekends grant us, we could have our cake, and eat it too!
If you can’t be the person in a position of power, date (or at least befriend) someone in a position of power. If you’re a true “Sisterhood of the IDF” bish, you know that girls like us always strive to have the upper hand. Alas, in the army, you will inevitably find yourself in a position of the underdog over and over again. You gotta make connections with people who will land a helping hand. One of my army friends couldn’t get a security clearance for months, which put her at a disadvantage for specific jobs and landed her in a bad department. Lucky for her, she was conveniently dating a “katzin” (officer). So the boyf looked into the matter, and within a month or two, she suddenly had her clearance and was able to move on to a better job. It’s like Ana and Christian from “50 Shades of Grey.” Ana was a total Plain Jane who couldn’t land anything on her own, but after sealing the deal with Christian (who owns the company), she magically becomes the boss! Coincidence? I think not! Life is all about connections, ladies. Take note.
Take chances! Enlisting into the IDF wasn’t an easy decision. I debated so much about it. I had just graduated college, and felt like I might be too old at this point. I was also eager to start working to bring in the big bucks (okay, who am I kidding? I was an English major). A thought that kept running through my head over and over again was “what if I draft, and I immediately regret it?” And at first, I did. My first night at Michve Alon, I remember lying on the top bunk, staring at the ceiling in silence, and thinking “what the hell have I just done???” Slowly, but surely, I got into it. When I look back on it, I gained so much from my decision. I’m gonna continue taking risks in life. Because a life without risks isn’t a life worth living. Soulja Girl’s done playing it safe.